Friday, July 6, 2012

Brace yourself, it's a long one.

You might be looking at the title of this and wondering where I am going with this blog. You may decide that you just don't want to go there with me...but I hope you will.

I find myself repeating this line, "Does anybody hear what I'm sayin'?!" over and over in my head. This phrase might not mean anything to you if you just read it with a monotone, dry voice that we often read with. Try saying it out loud, in your most Southern accent, making sure to leave off the 'g' at the end. Also make sure that you try to say it as if no one is listening to what your saying and you are trying to make a point. 

Go on...say it out loud.

That is how I hear it in my head, only Beth Moore is the voice I hear. Our small group has been doing a study on Romans using Beth Moore's audio teaching. She says that phrase a lot and it just sticks out to me. The inner Southern woman in me has the voice of Beth Moore, the stubborn fire of Madea, the sweetness of Southern Tea, and the free spirit of a salty ocean breeze carrying with it all the places it's been. Lately the inner Southern woman in me has been a little frustrated. I feel like Beth is yelling, Madea has her saw out asking me "Which half do you want?", the sweet tea is more like syrup, and the ocean breeze is like a Morton's salt shaker. My momma always said, "Too much of a good thing is just too much". I find that balance is a lifelong lesson. Sometimes I just want to say out loud DOES ANYBODY HEAR WHAT I'M SAYIN'!

We all need to be heard. It is important to know that our voice and experiences, whether bad or good, matter to someone. When you have a bad day everyone needs someone who will just listen and say, "I'm sorry you had a bad day". I find that most of the time with my little ones in school that their discipline problems come when they just don't feel like they are heard or seen. Many people look at little kids and miss them entirely. My goal has always been to let them know that, "I see them". I make eye contact, smile, and say I see you. 

Like most strong willed women it takes extreme circumstances to get my attention sometimes. The Lord never wastes an opportunity for a teachable moment. Right now it is BRACES. 

At 18 I found out I had a baby tooth on a routine visit to the dentist. Their suggestion at that time was braces to pull the tooth into place. I immediately dismissed that idea thinking I was not going to go through braces my Freshman year of college. I asked the dentist how long I could last with the baby tooth. He said I could have it until I was in my 30's. In my mind that was an instant pass to do nothing about it at that time. I clearly remember thinking let's just take it out and stick in a Chicklet. The next thing you know I am 32 at a dentist in Peru and he says I have a ticking time bomb in my mouth and that I will have major problems if I don't do something soon. After more mouth ex-rays than I have ever taken, ever, and being presented with all the options I decided on braces to pull the tooth into place. I cried the whole way home from the orthodontist office. The inner Southern in me was saying, "Are you hearin' what I'm sayin'?" My first carnal/fleshly thought was, "Lord, I am already 32 and single and you want me to put on braces?! Let's just join a nunnery and secure eternal sigleness". Thought number 2, "Oh my goodness did he say $4000?!?!?!". My final thought was, "I guess maybe I should have done this when I was 18".  After a long walk home, a bunch of tears, and me trying not to cry out loud as I passed by my Peruvian neighbors in the street, I finally settled down and accepted reality. 

Thursday April 19, 2012...a day that will go down in infamy. I went into the orthodontist and came out with rocks on my teeth that have to be there for 2 years. For whatever reason I am really sensitive to pain in my mouth. Some people might say I am a wuss but my mom will just tell you that I am stubborn. I also hear adults just have more pain associated with braces.  Right now I can't brush my teeth, talk, eat, or even close my mouth without pain. These braces are instruments to pull things back into shape and into place. I have felt a whole new connection to all my students who have braces. They have been most helpful, encouraging, and supportive. There is comfort in people who are going through the same thing as you. They just happen to be almost 2 decades younger than I am, smile. I dislike braces probably more than anything. Right before I got my braces I asked my middle school choir what their thoughts were. One quiet, but poignant, student said, "It ruins everything". I knew I was doomed when the person who never talks chose those words to say when he had the opportunity to speak in class for the first time. As I sat in the orthodontist chair last week and cried due to the pain, I reminded myself that I was paying for this service. Today when the doctor said, "Now... this is going to feel like I am pulling all of your teeth out" I reminded myself that I willing walked there and sat in that chair. Apparently there is a lot of "shaping" up I have to do.

So I find myself again at the original question. Is anybody hearing what I'm sayin'? My answer from the Lord, "Yes, I see you...I hear you". It doesn't mean he is going to take it away it just means that I need to keep sitting in the chair and letting Him put things where he wants them to be...no matter how much it hurts.

Right now this is my favorite song..."King of All Days"-Hillsong




Thursday, July 5, 2012

Furlough and Friends

Well...it is well past time to write. I originally started this blog to keep supporters updated on things that were happening with ministry. Ministry updates now happen through other methods in case you were wondering. Every time I sit down to write it turns into therapeutic writing and far more personal and deeper heart feelings that I am unable to get out otherwise. Somehow putting my thoughts into cyber space is easier than verbally processing. A moment for the shock to absorb for those that know me well.

Furlough:  
1.    Military a vacation or leave of absence granted to an enlisted person.
2.
a usually temporary layoff from work: Many plant workershave been forced to go on furlough.
3.
a temporary leave of absence authorized for a prisonerfrom a penitentiary.






My definition of furlough comes from our families missionary friends definition and aligns most closely with definition number 1. I listed the others because I thought it was funny. This is my second furlough after beginning my service in Peru. Second...wow crazy to think that this is my second in one year some missionaries have to wait years for a furlough. I am so grateful. I was able to come visit for Christmas and now for US summer. The most difficult thing about my time in the US is that I split that time between North Carolina and Virginia. You see I have family in both places and I couldn't imagine coming here and not being with one or the other. My natural family is in Virginia and my adoptive families and sending church are in North Carolina. I end up splitting the time pretty evenly between both and my heart in three places. Three? Yes, North Carolina, Virginia, and Peru. 

The first time around was really tough on me personally. I put a ton of pressure on myself to see everyone I could and the best way was to car trip and stay a couple of days with one family at a time. By the time I returned to VA for my trip back to Lima I was ready for a vacation. I tried to make up for 6 months of relationships in 2 weeks, impossible and exhausting. I also think I was in a little bit of transitional fog. 

This time around I decided to stay in one persons home and do day trips with people. I ended up really getting to spend the same amount of quality time without moving around so much night after night. It seems to be better but I have to say I am still ending up with a broken heart not getting to spend enough time with my dear friends. 

I have the most fantastic, supportive, loving group of friends who have poured over heaps of prayer, love, and patience with me over this year. I am leaving NC this weekend feeling so much love and support. 

I distinctly remember one youth group lock-in when I was in Middle School. Oh yeah I am going there. Stick with me this is good. 

My family had just moved to Greensboro, NC from Greenville, SC and I had started my 6th grade year in a new city. Needless to say I recall this transition being very difficult on everyone. I remember our first summer there how my sister, mom, and myself would talk about going back to SC because none of us liked NC. I was an awkward, low self-esteem kinda kid and didn't make friends easily. I was kinda shy. Another moment to pause for those that know me now to get over the shock. Well it was true. Middle School is a tough time for everyone and it was especially hard for me. I remember never feeling like I had friends and being so frustrated with the drama Middle School girls created. I would go sit in the nursery and rock babies when I would get frustrated with youth group stuff. Back to the lock-in I mentioned. It was my first lock-in and drama started to occur with girls in our youth group. I vividly remember thinking this is not what friendship was supposed to be like. I had not accepted Christ at this point and was still very much searching. I remember sitting down praying with my bible looking up every reference on the word "friend" I could find in my concordance. I wanted to know what God had to say about friendship. 

Proverbs 17:17
"A friend loves at all times, and is born, as is a brother, for adversity."

Proverbs 27:17
"Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend."

These were the first 2 scriptures I found. I will never forget it and have searched for it and strived for it my whole life. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God answered that prayer so long ago. I am blessed to have friends that are what these 2 scriptures say a friend is. 

To my soul sisters (and the brothers who now come with the sisters) you know who you are:
You are a forever part of my heart. No matter where the Lord takes me or how little time we are able to spend together I carry you in my heart. I carry the prayer times, laughs, hugs, movie nights, road trips, talks, amazing meals, and most importantly the incredible gift of seeing you develop into amazing godly single women and men, godly wives and husbands, and super hero moms and dads. Thank you for sharpening my countenance on this furlough.

I haven't even gotten to spend much time with my family yet...I'll just have to keep those thoughts to the closest place in my heart. I have used almost a whole box of Kleenex writing this post...just so you know. 

To know that Jesus is the reason that I even get to enjoy some part of this on this side of glory is all a part of Gods lavish love for his children.

Blessings