When the going gets tough...the tough keep going

It has been a while since I've blogged. I guess I didn't really feel like I had anything enlightening or worth putting out in cyber space for the few that dare to open this page. Sometimes I don't feel like I have a voice at all. Some moments are fantastic and energizing with little time to stop and process how great things are. Some moments are just crummy. We all have those moments...right? Moments when we wonder if the last bit of strength we have will be enough to carry us to our next stopping place. Sometimes the stopping place isn't there at all. At other times we feel alone in the journey, which only seems to make things seem worse than they are.

When you step out and dare that your life could be different expect the stopping place and the loneliness to be ever present. Once you start you can never turn back. The amazing thing is all the tiredness and loneliness are woven with brilliant colors of joy. I imagine it to be something like stained glass. Beautiful colors of intricate glass held together by the ugliest soldered metal. I have actually had the opportunity to learn how to make stained glass. It is tough and takes a long time. You get cuts on your hands and shards of glass get everywhere but the end product is so amazing.

There have been glorious moments over the course of the past 8 months since I made the move from Huntersville, NC. Like the moment when I arrived at my apartment in Peru at 2:30am January 17. I was so excited to be back that I stayed up all night and unpacked so I could enjoy the whole next day. I got up the next morning and ran until I hit the ocean then walked until dinner time. There have also been so many sweet moments with students at ICSL where you know God is working and things just seem in place. We went to the Orquesta Sinfonica Nacional this past Friday. It was so neat to share that passion and see it in my students.

This week I have been battling the ugly on the inside while trying to cut beautiful glass on the outside. A battle under tired and lonely conditions makes for an interesting fight. In the ugly moments when I want to quit and go back home to the familiar I find that picturing what things would be like helps me turn the ugly to pretty. Immediately I realize I can never go back...it doesn't work that way. The intricate stained glass work of art my heavenly Father is trying to create wouldn't be as beautiful with out the ugly pieces bringing me to the pretty.

In church today I was encouraged by this verse and later by a sweet friend, Kim. God brings us people in the lonely and gives us His word to fight. He says to the church at Philadelphia, "Because you have kept my word about patient endurance, I will keep you from the hour of trial that is coming on the whole world, to try those who dwell on the earth." Revelation 3:10 Oh Lord give me strength and grace to endure with long suffering and dignity. Verse 11 is what really stuck out to me...and it came with a picture. Earlier in the chapter he points out the weakness of the church and their lack of power...this makes verse 11 even more meaningful. He says,"I am coming soon. Hold fast what you have, so that no one may seize your crown." As I talked with Kim we shared about how Satan attacks us and tries to steel our crown. The word crown is used in many places in the scripture. It is most often used when talking about wisdom, joy, and life. "Hold fast to what you have, so that no one may seize your (crown) wisdom, joy, and life." I told Kim I feel like there are times when I have to hold on to my crown with both hands because it is open season for crown hunting. Someone or something is always trying to take it from me. At times I am just not vigilant about making sure that no one takes it and I give it away freely. I have this mental image of me running with both hands gripped tightly to my crown, sometimes I am ducking in this mental image. James 1:12 says,  "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."

The enemy has to leave at the sound of HIS name...JESUS. Go on...say it...out loud. It really does help.

I realize the things I am dealing with may not be life changing or as Beth Moore says, "just a gnat in the lip gloss type of issue" but never the less Satan will get at me in any way he can. He knows he can get to me by sewing small seeds of doubt and insecurity and that I will do the rest for him. I am an easy target. The enemy doesn't have to do much. I will destroy myself. Not this week...I am holding on to my crown with both hands.

Blessings

Safely Home

I borrowed this blog title from a book I just finished reading called “Safely Home” by Randy Alcorn. It is a story of Christian martyrs in China. It has been an interesting parallel to my current life position.  Parallel meaning going in a similar direction...I hope we all are. While my title is a missionary and I definitely know God has placed me in Peru for his purpose, to share who he is with those around me, I am acutely aware that my situation is different than many other missionaries, or Christians for that matter, across the globe. This doesn’t in any way diminish what I do, and others like me, it just keeps things in perspective and grounds me. This story reminds me of the call on every Christians’ life.  The call to deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Jesus.

From childhood I have always been curious, interested, and gripped by the stories of missionaries and believers all over the world who have sacrificed for the sake of the Gospel. It began with our Vietnamese friends who came on a boat to the US, whose homemade egg rolls I enjoyed frequently. Childhood friends who were missionaries to Honduras inspired me. Countless church workers and full-time ministers our family supported, served under, and along side have been constant reminders of God’s call to serve. Stories I’ve read or heard from the pulpit or stage have all gripped me in a way to change my course and my worldview. This book “Safely Home” has been an inspiration to me over the past few months. I encourage you to find it and read it…it’s available on Amazon for Kindle.

As I journeyed home to spend Christmas with my family and friends the words safe, home, and Christmas had new meaning. I am grateful for what God has done and the blessings he has brought to me in the past year. I hope I can rise to the challenge and serve Him well.

I leave you with several thoughts and quotes from the book that I can’t seem to get out of my mind, and  hope I never do.

 “He could no have it both ways, not here. No God, no good. Forever. He had wanted a world where no one else was in charge, where no order was forced upon him. He had finally gotten it.”

“Never postpone obedience to Jesus.”

“Never forget Jesus is King. Never forget your home is in another world.”

Do I know Gods word well enough that if imprisoned because of my faith I could still be encouraged by His words to me?

Is my faith and my relationship with God enough that if everything I knew was taken and knew nothing of earthly comfort I could still sing praise to my Savior? Reflections for a new year.

Blessings and Happy New Year!!

Normal...for now anyway

I am almost late for my promised once a month post. Things have been a bit busy since October 1st. To save time and preserve my desire to share details in person I will make a list.

Since I last wrote here are some things I've been involved in:

2 Community Service projects
Chile Getaway
Recital
Somalia/World Vision Fundraiser
Thanksgiving Getaway

In addition to the above add the usual day to day activities that happen once life starts to feel normal. Normal, this is the word I feel like explains where I am right now with life in Peru. I feel pretty comfortable in my surroundings and not nearly as awkward or overwhelmed. Spring has sprung which makes my walks to and from school, and just about anywhere else, super enjoyable. The birds are chirping, butterflies a fluttering, and the songs have been coming back into my heart. I know I am truly happy when there is always a song in my head. For a while there was only silence and no music. I am thinking in songs again...and this is a good thing. I have a couple of tunes and songs that are always on the play list and they have come back into rotation.

I am in full swing for Christmas Concerts and Musicals in the last 2 weeks of school and then I am back in Los Estados Unidos por Navidad. I can't believe the 1st half of the school year is almost over. I feel like I blinked in July and ended up in December.

The song that has been in my head the past couple of days is "Where Are You Christmas?" from the movie "How The Grinch Stole Christmas". This is pretty remarkable since I have never seen this movie and haven't ever really sat down and listened to this song. It is amazing how my musical brain works that way. When I think of the song I actually hear Faith Hill singing it in my head, I can even visualize it. Weird...I know.

So, today I sat down and actually listened to the song because I thought it might help me  move on to another song. Once I listened I realized why it was in my head. I watched the youtube video with the words scrolling so I could figure it out. The phrase "...my world is changing, and rearranging, does that mean Christmas changes too?" kept sticking out to me. This is why I had the song stuck in my head. My world has been changing and rearranging for almost a year now. I spent my first Holiday away from family at Thanksgiving. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be thanks to Jeremy and Rachel Hollie and the wonderful house in Cieneguilla, Peru. It was weird to be by a pool getting sun burnt and it being 70 degrees. Back to the song...I have been evaluating my feelings and thoughts on why Holiday's, and most specifically Christmas, are so special and magical. It is magical because of people. Most specifically Jesus...the most important person. Trees, twinkle lights, presents, carols, gingerbread houses, snowmen, holiday movies, parties with friends, special holiday meals, Christmas cookies, 102.9 playing all Christmas songs beginning in October, festive greetings, White Christmas (the movie). All of these wonderful harmless things mean absolutely nothing compared to the fact that God sent his son Jesus as a baby to make a way for me to know my creator God. That my friends is magical and all the Christmas I need. I want to feel magical about that every day and not just in December. While I miss the festivities and decor of the season I am grateful that this is a lesson I have learned. To be content no matter the circumstances or the decoration.

I am still going to enjoy the season and festivities when I return for Christmas, I haven't turned into the Grinch. I am happy about the trees, twinkle lights, and special time with family and friends, but my heart has changed with the way I see it and the place it holds.

It was magical today seeing all the flags representing countries our students are from at ICSL. It was magical hearing a Japanese family sing a song about Jesus, in Japanese (and the most wonderful family harmony I've heard). After, the Gospel was shared to the whole school encouraging our children to allow themselves to be used by God to take Jesus to their countries. That was magical and it had nothing to do with Christmas.

Blessings and Merry Christmas!

Life Out of Context

Context. The circumstances that form the setting for an event, statement, or idea, and in terms of which it can be fully understood and assessed.

Some people spend their whole lives out of context, others never try, not even for a week or even a moment.

David Platt challenges you to spend a year out of context at the end of his book Radical. On my way home from church today I had a great conversation with a girl I work with and it reminded me so much of this statement. She is a Missionary Kid who grew up in a Quechua village in Bolivia. I am a girl from the suburbs of the US. Out of context for me was coming here to Sur America. Out of context for my friend was going to North America. I think no matter your circumstances you have to go somewhere that it is hard to understand and fully assess. This is part of the process of being rendered and shaped by a God who won't relent until he has all of us, every part of our heart, and every corner of our mind. Sometimes we have to get out of context before we can realize what we are lacking. It is through the process of assessing and grasping to understand that we become redeemed and His ownership is recovered. A life out of context is valuable to the refinement of a believer. It is when that believer takes The Word or words out of context that it is epic failure. Or better yet when our life seems out of context and we don't even try to seek the truth and realize that Jesus is the only context we need. His word and His truth is the truth of our circumstances and all the context clues we need.

We sing this song at my home church called "Hope of the Nations". It is one of my favorites. When I said the words " the nations" as we sang I used to picture a place outside the US. Now I live in a nation outside of my passport country, out of my usual context, and the song "Hope of the Nations" came to mind. After being in a international community my understanding of the word nations now includes my passport country. In that song the words "the Nations" should be replaced with "all people"....because no matter where you are there are mothers, fathers, children, poor, rich, and all manner of people struggling to figure out their context. The only answer, Jesus, and a sober understanding of the Change in your heart and mind that must take place in order for your heart to be His dwelling place. I mean capital "C" change not little "c" change. Big, mega, life altering, head spinning, heart wrenching CHANGE. Once you come to the point of accepting Christ in your life this process never ends until one day you see him face to face. At that moment all we will be able to say is "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty!". Songs like Hope of the Nations won't even be a distant melodic memory. Can I standsit, get on my face, lay down, dance, be in a group of people, or be alone and say/sing or reflect through silence "Holy, Holy, Holy is the the Lord God Almighty!"?

Just thinking,

Is September really almost over?

Every day I find myself feeling more comfortable calling South America home. I am officially a Peruvian resident. This means that when I leave SA and enter the US I will need my passport and carnet, my Peruvian ID. As comfortable as I am I still have moments where it doesn't seem real, like I'm dreaming. I am so grateful for this dream. I am grateful even when things are hard because I know it could be harder.

What is God doing? He is STRETCHING me and I mean stretching. It isn't like the stretches you do before a workout that make you feel good. They are the kind of stretches you would do to create an extra  appendage, make you 5 inches taller, or have an extra rib or something. It is the kind of stretch that hurts but you know you need it, for a reason unknown by you. It is the kind of stretch you don't see coming.

School is great! Nothing is ever perfect and as with any new job and position for me I begin dreaming and getting a picture in my head of what it can be one day. I'm a builder and a dreamer. I pray that I can let go of my vision and let God be the visionary. Every day I am grateful that he brought me to this place and to a group of people who love the Lord, pray for students, and genuinely pour into their lives. We have Spiritual Emphasis Week this week. Please pray for students who have not yet committed their life to Christ and for those who have and are struggling. Pray that the Lord will do a mighty work this week!

I've been going to different churches in the area every week. I've already visited all the churches with English services and am now visiting Spanish speaking churches. Today and last week I went to a church called Camino de Vida. I really like this church and really feel at home. Before I came to Peru all I heard was don't try to find a church like you had at home. After going to this church I said, "Does it count if I found one like my church when I wasn't looking?". It is a fantastic church with awesome worship and solid biblical teaching. Services are in Spanish but this is a bonus because it will help me learn and speak better Spanish. I am able to get things out of the sermon and don't feel totally lost. Some days it is easier to translate than others, depending on who is speaking (in any church). Bummer...It takes about 45 minutes via bus and combi to get there. A combi is a small van crammed with a ton of people. A man hangs out the side window calling out where they are going. This call almost sounds like a song to me and I am often distracted my the rhythm and cantor and cannot understand what they say. If you want to go there you wave them down and hop on. You are lucky if they slow down to a stop for you to get on and wait until you are seated before they go. Friends, you know I like this church when I am willing to ride a bus and a combi to get there. I am not a fan of public transportation in the US...so this is a stretch. Combi's are so uncomfortable for this large Norte Americana. I have to sit sideways because my legs will not fit behind the seat. If you don't get a seat you have to stoop while you hold on to whatever you can so you don't fall all over the place. It is truly a cultural experience and the cheapest way to get around. One trip is 50 centimos or 18 cents. Back to church...they have 5, 000 members and a ton of services and opportunities to get plugged in. The pastor started 2 orphanages and gives wheelchairs to handicapped people. They have a huge heart for social injustice, are very active in sharing Jesus so he can change peoples lives, and planting churches.  I know I need to keep looking but I really feel like this is a place I could settle. Plus...the man sitting beside me today invited me to his house to have dinner with he and his wife. Did I mention their praise choir practices on Tuesday night? I wonder if they practice jumping on stage like they did today and last week during worship? It was awesome! I'm going to keep praying and seeking where God wants me to be.

I learned the district I live in, Miraflores, is approximately 3.7 miles with app. 85,000 people. This is why it is so easy to walk everywhere, bonus. It is amazes me how big 3.5 miles can seem. Most people have a dog here. As it turns out I like dogs when living in the US where they have space and grass to roam in and use the bathroom. Not so much when 85,000 people live within 3.5 miles and there is no animal control, there are no dog parks, or waste disposal systems. No wonder we can't drink the water. I struggle with sanitary conditions here for that reason alone. I am really sensitive to it right now and hope this will change over time, but I'm not sure. I have always been an animal lover and wanted a dog for a long time. Living here has taken away my love of animals. Strange.

I went to the movies on Saturday night with another teacher friend. As we walked up to the entrance of the mall I heard, "Miss Parsons!". Now it feels like home. Hearing "Miss Parsons!" while I'm out and about on a weekend in a district of 85,000 people feels strangely normal. Strangely normal...this is a new description for how life is right now. Things are strange but becoming a new normal.

Here is a song we have sung at church the past 2 weeks. I love it and God has used it in the stretching. Read the lyrics in English but listen in Spanish (the link is below text). Con todo Dios.

With Everything :

Open our hearts,
To see the things
That make Your heart cry,
To be the church
The You would desire.
Light to be seen.

Break down our pride,
And all the walls
We've built up inside,
Our earthly crowns
And all our desires,
We lay at Your feet.

So let hope rise,
And darkness tremble
In Your holy light,
And every eye will see
Jesus, our God,
Great and mighty to be praised.

God of all days,
Glorious in all of Your ways.
Your majesty, the wonder and grace,
In the light of Your name.

With everything,
With everything,
We will shout for your glory.

With everything,
With everything,
We will shout forth your praise.

Our hearts will cry
Be glorified,
Be lifted high,
Above all names.
For You our King,
With everything,
We will shout forth your praise.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhIPaW9v-3g

Tension is Good, Transition and Growing Pains

Get ready this is a long one.


These words are strong statements that have been a regular part of my vocabulary for the past year. Yes friends a whole year. When I look at where I am sometimes my first thought is, "Oh my goodness!!! I am living in Peru!!!", sometimes it is "Praise the Lord you have brought me to this place I longed to be for so long!", sometimes it is "Lord, you brought me to this place. Now what?", and other times "Lord....really?"


It is easy to focus on your current circumstances and allow them to shade your emotions and thoughts. This is exactly what the enemy wants. Satan wants you to be disabled in the transition, to allow the pains of growth to render you immobile. Only after looking at the whole picture can you truly see that God is working for his purpose in spite of, through, and because of your circumstances. 


In my Junior year of High School (1997) my church went through the study Experiencing God. The Lord used this in my life to prepare me for my first mission trip the summer before my Senior year. It was on this trip that the Lord called me into full-time ministry. 


Flash forward to August 24, 2011. I am sitting in a house in Peru full of missionary teachers I work with doing the Experiencing God study. Friends I am having a major moment here. I am overwhelmed at God's amazing faithfulness. "Because of your partnership with the gospel form the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on until completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:5-6. He will carry it on until it is complete on the day of the return of our Lord Jesus. It has absolutely nothing to do with me, my timing, my hopes, desires, dreams, or best intentions. I just get to be a part if I choose to surrender, get out of the way, and be a moldable earthen vessel.  


The October before I accepted the call to Peru I went to a church leadership conference called Catalyst. Catalyst is put on by Andy Stanley and the ministry of North Point church. The Lord has always used speakers from this conference, most often the first thing Andy Stanley says on Thursday morning. Last year he said, "Tension is good". Excuse me, did you just say tension is good? I was hooked. I had been experiencing spiritual tension from 1996 when God started working on me until that moment in the Gwinnett Arena. He said we have to understand that God created us with desires and natural tensions that will never be met this side of Glory. Wow ya'll that is pretty powerful. He then proceeded to share a message with us from the Old Testament. Genesis 25: 29-34 gives the account of brothers Jacob and Essau. 



 ²⁹ Once when Jacob was cooking some stew, Esau came in from the open country, famished. ³⁰He said to Jacob, “Quick, let me have some of that red stew! I’m famished!” (That is why he was also called Edom.)
 ³¹ Jacob replied, “First sell me your birthright.”
 ³² “Look, I am about to die,” Esau said. “What good is the birthright to me?”
 ³³ But Jacob said, “Swear to me first.” So he swore an oath to him, selling his birthright to Jacob.
 ³⁴ Then Jacob gave Esau some bread and some lentil stew. He ate and drank, and then got up and left.
   So Esau despised his birthright.


I am not going to try and quote Andy Stanley. Here is what the Lord showed me in through the scripture Andy shared (I guess I can call him Andy). Hunger is a tension. It is a physical tension and a figurative tension. Esau allowed his physical hunger, his flesh, to override his desire to cherish this coveted birthright. How many times in our spiritual lives do we allow desires, or hungers, to override our calling to glorify the Lord as his children and heirs? What "bowl of stew" are you reaching for in exchange for God's plan. I realized in this moment that I had tensions in my life I had been reaching for that I needed to relinquish to God. I needed to submit and accept that there were longings, even callings, that may not be realized until I see Jesus face to face. It was a huge God moving moment in my life. 


From 1996-2011 (15 yrs) I attempted to help God with the mission he had called me to. I talked about this in one of my first posts. Our flesh tells us if we work harder or look longer we can get where we want to be. Jesus says let go, and trust me and you will be there. When I finally let go is when he finally sent me out.


So...all that to say right now I am in transition and experiencing growing pains. This transition started when I signed my contract at the end of January until now (around 7 months). The most intense months of my life so far have been July and August. Add 15 years of tension and waiting, 7 months of transition and growing pains, and you get a lot of time to let circumstances and trials weigh a woman down. I'm just saying it hasn't been easy to get a picture of what God is doing with me. 


When you go places and hear the same message over and over...God might be trying to tell you something. Tonight a girl in bible study told the same illustration I have heard so many times over the past few years, and more so recently. The picture of a tapestry being woven is a beautiful metaphor for what our perspective is compared to Gods. He is the weaver, we are underneath watching the crazy maze of colors, knots, and clumps. We see a crazy mess that doesn't make sense. God sees beauty and perfection. 


Friends, I am still sitting under the tapestry saying, "Lord I trust you are making a beautiful picture, I don't want to get in the way". God is saying, "Get out from under there where it is messy and look at the big picture I am creating something beautiful". He will complete the good work on the day we see Jesus face to face. Don't trade in your front row seat for a bowl of stew. Know that things look messy, but will turn out beautiful if we don't get lost in transition. 

"And when the earth fades, falls from my eyes, and you stand before me. I know you love me, I know you love me. At the cross I bow my knee, where you blood was shed for me, there's no greater love than this. You have overcome the grave, glory in the highest place, what can separate us now." ~Hillsong

Picture Post

Hello Friends and Family!

As with all of my posts from Peru please be gracious with my editing issues. When I do spell check it thinks I should be writing in Spanish so everything is highlighted yellow. I proof read and re-read but sometimes I just have to click Publish Post and be done with it.

I thought I would give you a tour of where I live. I hope you enjoy seeing pictures and that it will help frame the picture of what is happening here in Peru.

This is the view when you walk into the apartment. The apartment has been lived in by the same 2 girls for the past 3 years or so which is why it is so well established. It allowed me to feel somewhat settled because everything was already here. My roommate's name is Yvonne DelSanto a super sweet person.

This is the view going into the kitchen. You know what it says on the side mirror of your car? Objects may be larger than they appear. This is not true in this case. I can touch the ceiling without really stretching and the sink is below my waist :-)

Kitchen view...you really have to be creative with storage (laundry is off to the left).

View from the roof of our building. Interesting fact, Peruvians love their dogs. You see them all over the city both on and off leash. Remember I live in a busy part of town...really busy. One night we were walking to a coffee shop and I saw a lady with a Golden retriever off leash. She stopped, looked at the dog and said, "Ok, which way do you want to go?". The dog walked toward the street and she followed.   This was on a busy 4 lane divided street that I have to cross with extreme caution because pedestrians don't have the right of way. While I was out on the roof taking this picture I saw 2 large Husky type dogs on a roof a few buildings over. What were they doing you say? Probably going potty or having "yard" play time. Here the roof is the yard and potty for dogs. Needless to say since I found this out I don't go up there much. There are not any of the nice doggy trash bags stands around for you to clean up after you dog. You just have to watch where you step when you are walking around the city.

This is the Malecon. It is a park that runs along the coast line in Miraflores, really a nice place. We saw a giant pillow fight there one day. Not to far of a walk from my apartment.

Another Malecon pic :-)

Another view from another missionary apartment that is on the 5th floor a couple blocks from my building.

I hope you get a good idea of where I am. I will post more as life begins to take shape and school life isn't as consuming. It has been a whirlwind but very good. Please continue to pray that the Lord will guide by His Spirit and through his word. Pray that I will rely on His strength and not my own. School started this week and I felt like it was a good start. As with anything new there are challenges but I know the Lord is in control!

Blessings for today