It has been a while since I've blogged. I guess I didn't really feel like I had anything enlightening or worth putting out in cyber space for the few that dare to open this page. Sometimes I don't feel like I have a voice at all. Some moments are fantastic and energizing with little time to stop and process how great things are. Some moments are just crummy. We all have those moments...right? Moments when we wonder if the last bit of strength we have will be enough to carry us to our next stopping place. Sometimes the stopping place isn't there at all. At other times we feel alone in the journey, which only seems to make things seem worse than they are.
When you step out and dare that your life could be different expect the stopping place and the loneliness to be ever present. Once you start you can never turn back. The amazing thing is all the tiredness and loneliness are woven with brilliant colors of joy. I imagine it to be something like stained glass. Beautiful colors of intricate glass held together by the ugliest soldered metal. I have actually had the opportunity to learn how to make stained glass. It is tough and takes a long time. You get cuts on your hands and shards of glass get everywhere but the end product is so amazing.
There have been glorious moments over the course of the past 8 months since I made the move from Huntersville, NC. Like the moment when I arrived at my apartment in Peru at 2:30am January 17. I was so excited to be back that I stayed up all night and unpacked so I could enjoy the whole next day. I got up the next morning and ran until I hit the ocean then walked until dinner time. There have also been so many sweet moments with students at ICSL where you know God is working and things just seem in place. We went to the Orquesta Sinfonica Nacional this past Friday. It was so neat to share that passion and see it in my students.
This week I have been battling the ugly on the inside while trying to cut beautiful glass on the outside. A battle under tired and lonely conditions makes for an interesting fight. In the ugly moments when I want to quit and go back home to the familiar I find that picturing what things would be like helps me turn the ugly to pretty. Immediately I realize I can never go back...it doesn't work that way. The intricate stained glass work of art my heavenly Father is trying to create wouldn't be as beautiful with out the ugly pieces bringing me to the pretty.
In church today I was encouraged by this verse and later by a sweet friend, Kim. God brings us people in the lonely and gives us His word to fight. He says to the church at Philadelphia, "Because you have kept my word about patient endurance, I will keep you from the hour of trial that is coming on the whole world, to try those who dwell on the earth." Revelation 3:10 Oh Lord give me strength and grace to endure with long suffering and dignity. Verse 11 is what really stuck out to me...and it came with a picture. Earlier in the chapter he points out the weakness of the church and their lack of power...this makes verse 11 even more meaningful. He says,"I am coming soon. Hold fast what you have, so that no one may seize your crown." As I talked with Kim we shared about how Satan attacks us and tries to steel our crown. The word crown is used in many places in the scripture. It is most often used when talking about wisdom, joy, and life. "Hold fast to what you have, so that no one may seize your (crown) wisdom, joy, and life." I told Kim I feel like there are times when I have to hold on to my crown with both hands because it is open season for crown hunting. Someone or something is always trying to take it from me. At times I am just not vigilant about making sure that no one takes it and I give it away freely. I have this mental image of me running with both hands gripped tightly to my crown, sometimes I am ducking in this mental image. James 1:12 says, "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
The enemy has to leave at the sound of HIS name...JESUS. Go on...say it...out loud. It really does help.
I realize the things I am dealing with may not be life changing or as Beth Moore says, "just a gnat in the lip gloss type of issue" but never the less Satan will get at me in any way he can. He knows he can get to me by sewing small seeds of doubt and insecurity and that I will do the rest for him. I am an easy target. The enemy doesn't have to do much. I will destroy myself. Not this week...I am holding on to my crown with both hands.
Blessings
Trip pics!
9 years ago
