These words are strong statements that have been a regular part of my vocabulary for the past year. Yes friends a whole year. When I look at where I am sometimes my first thought is, "Oh my goodness!!! I am living in Peru!!!", sometimes it is "Praise the Lord you have brought me to this place I longed to be for so long!", sometimes it is "Lord, you brought me to this place. Now what?", and other times "Lord....really?"
It is easy to focus on your current circumstances and allow them to shade your emotions and thoughts. This is exactly what the enemy wants. Satan wants you to be disabled in the transition, to allow the pains of growth to render you immobile. Only after looking at the whole picture can you truly see that God is working for his purpose in spite of, through, and because of your circumstances.
In my Junior year of High School (1997) my church went through the study Experiencing God. The Lord used this in my life to prepare me for my first mission trip the summer before my Senior year. It was on this trip that the Lord called me into full-time ministry.
Flash forward to August 24, 2011. I am sitting in a house in Peru full of missionary teachers I work with doing the Experiencing God study. Friends I am having a major moment here. I am overwhelmed at God's amazing faithfulness. "Because of your partnership with the gospel form the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on until completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:5-6. He will carry it on until it is complete on the day of the return of our Lord Jesus. It has absolutely nothing to do with me, my timing, my hopes, desires, dreams, or best intentions. I just get to be a part if I choose to surrender, get out of the way, and be a moldable earthen vessel.
The October before I accepted the call to Peru I went to a church leadership conference called Catalyst. Catalyst is put on by Andy Stanley and the ministry of North Point church. The Lord has always used speakers from this conference, most often the first thing Andy Stanley says on Thursday morning. Last year he said, "Tension is good". Excuse me, did you just say tension is good? I was hooked. I had been experiencing spiritual tension from 1996 when God started working on me until that moment in the Gwinnett Arena. He said we have to understand that God created us with desires and natural tensions that will never be met this side of Glory. Wow ya'll that is pretty powerful. He then proceeded to share a message with us from the Old Testament. Genesis 25: 29-34 gives the account of brothers Jacob and Essau.
29 Once when Jacob was cooking some stew, Esau came in from the open country, famished. 30He said to Jacob, “Quick, let me have some of that red stew! I’m famished!” (That is why he was also called Edom.)
31 Jacob replied, “First sell me your birthright.”
32 “Look, I am about to die,” Esau said. “What good is the birthright to me?”
33 But Jacob said, “Swear to me first.” So he swore an oath to him, selling his birthright to Jacob.
34 Then Jacob gave Esau some bread and some lentil stew. He ate and drank, and then got up and left.
So Esau despised his birthright.
I am not going to try and quote Andy Stanley. Here is what the Lord showed me in through the scripture Andy shared (I guess I can call him Andy). Hunger is a tension. It is a physical tension and a figurative tension. Esau allowed his physical hunger, his flesh, to override his desire to cherish this coveted birthright. How many times in our spiritual lives do we allow desires, or hungers, to override our calling to glorify the Lord as his children and heirs? What "bowl of stew" are you reaching for in exchange for God's plan. I realized in this moment that I had tensions in my life I had been reaching for that I needed to relinquish to God. I needed to submit and accept that there were longings, even callings, that may not be realized until I see Jesus face to face. It was a huge God moving moment in my life.
From 1996-2011 (15 yrs) I attempted to help God with the mission he had called me to. I talked about this in one of my first posts. Our flesh tells us if we work harder or look longer we can get where we want to be. Jesus says let go, and trust me and you will be there. When I finally let go is when he finally sent me out.
So...all that to say right now I am in transition and experiencing growing pains. This transition started when I signed my contract at the end of January until now (around 7 months). The most intense months of my life so far have been July and August. Add 15 years of tension and waiting, 7 months of transition and growing pains, and you get a lot of time to let circumstances and trials weigh a woman down. I'm just saying it hasn't been easy to get a picture of what God is doing with me.
When you go places and hear the same message over and over...God might be trying to tell you something. Tonight a girl in bible study told the same illustration I have heard so many times over the past few years, and more so recently. The picture of a tapestry being woven is a beautiful metaphor for what our perspective is compared to Gods. He is the weaver, we are underneath watching the crazy maze of colors, knots, and clumps. We see a crazy mess that doesn't make sense. God sees beauty and perfection.
Friends, I am still sitting under the tapestry saying, "Lord I trust you are making a beautiful picture, I don't want to get in the way". God is saying, "Get out from under there where it is messy and look at the big picture I am creating something beautiful". He will complete the good work on the day we see Jesus face to face. Don't trade in your front row seat for a bowl of stew. Know that things look messy, but will turn out beautiful if we don't get lost in transition.
"And when the earth fades, falls from my eyes, and you stand before me. I know you love me, I know you love me. At the cross I bow my knee, where you blood was shed for me, there's no greater love than this. You have overcome the grave, glory in the highest place, what can separate us now." ~Hillsong
Feeling that tension of the growing pains/moving adjustment period myself, and grateful for your insightful comments and wise reminders. Thanks, Marisa!
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